Ugh. First off: The Bears blow. Big time. Secondly, I have a serious problem: Shopping.
Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I have a credit card that I use to rack up serious debt that I will later have to pay off by working the corner at Dearborn and Congress....oh no wait, that's Snaggle-tooth's turf... but I still have a pretty speedy turn-around rate from getting paid to spending.
On average: approximately 10 hours. Fuck.
For example. Yesterday I had a killer night at the wine bar and made close to $100 in tips alone. Hey, a little eyeliner and push-up bra goes a long way...
Needless to say I woke up the next morning early..
Sooooo noon.
And went straight to my temporary boyfriend's house A.K.A. BCBG.
That place gobbles my money like a Snaggletooth does to a pen15.
Regardless, this whole shopping problem only leads to buyers remorse which then I have to feed with retail therapy which then starts the cycle again and I end up totally depressed and eating cinnamon toast crunch for every meal because its already in the house which lets me save the money for those "fuck me" shoes (as my mother likes to call them) which, in MY opinion were totally practical because, frankly, I could use a good bang these days. But hey, at least I look cute and fashion forward whilst I'm on my depserate hunt for a decent lay??
Additionally, this whole shopping problem has not only made me poor but its made me into an alcoholic. I can't go into any store without being immediately drawn to sparkly, colorful items. I'm like a rabid dog drooling from the mouth. Totally attractive. But then I have this ridiculous outfit that I can't wear to work...when I actually GET a job, that is....so I am forced to MAKE an occasion to go out in...thus leaving me not only blacked out and roaming the streets of the South loop, but spending more money buying drinks...FUUUUCKKKKK.
Moving on...
So I thought my life sucks...Check this out.
I just got a call from my friend. Let's just say her name is, uh, Shanequa. Oh and you remember Snaggletooth? Yea...she comes into play here.
So Shanequa is sitting on her couch on a Sunday night, when what do her wondrous eyes should appear? Her blacked-out roommate Snags and a rando guy who seemed queer...
They proceeded to ask her if she would like to "join them."
Join them?? For what? Scrabble? Battleship?? Or my personal favorite, A nice game of pin the weener on my vajayjay?
Yea um, I don't think so pal.
Tune in for more about this awesome story later....
What I do is shop, wear once, and RETURN. It's like having Blair Waldorf bucks in the form of receipts! Plus, you look like you're so totally fabulous that you don't rewear clothing.
ReplyDelete... Do I really do this? Yes.
I'm not sure which is better - the nicknames, the south loop references, or the fact that my address is referred to as a hooker pick up zone. ah i love my life.
ReplyDelete